THE BEST OF TIMES, THE WORST OF TIMES: THE 25 MOST MEMORABLE MEGA DRIVE CHAMPIONSHIP GAMES - PART TWO

24th May 2010

Last month we bought you the first part of the twenty-five most memorable Mega Drive Championship games of all times and now we continue our wander through the awesomeness of 16-bit competitive yesteryear. The previous fifteen games were merely a warmup to these final ten entries - those battles so historic they will forever be remembered. These are the testament through time of what warriors duelling on a retro console can acheieve and believe me when I say there is a limit to what you can do on a retro console. The best, the worst, the chronic and shambolic, here is the final part of the most memorable twenty-five games produced by the Mega Drive Championships...

GAME 10: Tournament 18, Division Two, Game 5: Reverend Doyle 1 Vs 2 Old Spice Lock - Eternal Champions

There was no denying Old Spice Lock was tosh. Joining at the Fifteenth Mega Drive Championship, he went three tournaments until he scored his first point, a disbelieving crowd murmuring their surprise as he drew with Dame Yada on Sonic the Hedgehog 2. It had been jested that if all the Old Spice Locks across parallel dimensions came together to play Mega Drive then they would still be unable to accumulate a single point. Coming into the Eighteenth Tournament it was fair to say that Old Spice Lock was virtually in his own Division Three. For Reverend Doyle, a newcomer at the Eighteenth Mega Drive Championship, the fixtures had been quite kind giving him a debut against the previously mentioned Old Spice Tosh Lock, on Eternal Champions. In a fantastically, surprisingly, tight fixture, Reverend Doyle played a tactically defensive game. Unable to fend off Old Spice Lock’s frantic button bashing attack he lost the first round. Reverend Doyle won the second game setting up a third round finale. As mesmerising as watching a hypothetical train crash, the final round remained close and with both life bars all but empty, from the deepest depths of nowhere, an impromptu special move from Old Spice Lock amazed the spectators as Larcen thrust his grappling hook into the ceiling and swing the length of the screen to deliver the decisive blow. Reverend Doyle was christened in the Mega Drive Championships with a defeat of the worst possible kind – losing to Old Spice Lock is the tournament equivalent of leprosy.

GAME 9: Tournament 19, Division One, Game 19: Professor King 1 Vs 2 Earl Holbrook – Streets of Rage 3

The penultimate game of Division One, at the Nineteenth Mega Drive Championship, saw both Earl Holbrook and Professor King staring down the abyss of relegation. The final game of Commander Graham and Doc Shakib on Golden Axe 2 was no longer of consequence with Doc Shakib having already secured the title. So attention switched to the pair fighting at the foot of the table, one of which would be consigned to relegation following this game. The pair had quite a competitive history together and certainly Professor King would feel more than eager to score a victory against Earl Holbrook a man who, at the Seventeenth Mega Drive

GAME 8: Tournament 7, Game 39: Lord Dilks 3 Vs 2 Mr Smith – NHLPA Hockey ‘93

Doc Shakib had been synonymous with third place. On just two occasions in the previous six tournaments had he truly challenged Lord Dilks for second spot, only succeeding at the Fifth Mega Drive Championship. The Seventh Tournament, relative to previous competitions, ushered the Mega Drive Championships into a new era with additional games added for the first time since the Second Tournament and, for the first time, a draw system was implemented to try and randomise the games in what had become a stagnant contest. If the idea had been to re-infuse some excitement into the title race then the Seventh Tournament certainly achieved that goal. There was just one game remaining and Doc Shakib topped the league by two-points having completed all his fixtures for that tournament. Mr Smith and Lord Dilks had shared the titles in the first six championships. Lord Dilks, in third place, four-points behind the league leader would not be walking away with the title. One-point ahead, in second place, was Mr Smith. With three points to play for and a superior goal-difference he would win a third successive Mega Drive Championship with victory over his long running rival Lord Dilks on the unpredictable NHLPA Hockey ’93. The match was very close and, with the score at 2-2, it seemed like Doc Shakib would win the title with Mr Smith in second and Lord Dilks in third. Then, with eight seconds remaining, Lord Dilks tore up the ice to score the deciding goal. The claxon sounded, not only was Doc Shakib crowned the new Mega Drive Champion, but Lord Dilks leaping into second condemning his rival, Mr Smith, to his lowest ever league finish.

GAME 7: Tournament 15, Division One, Game 10: Captain Maltby 6 Vs 4 Lieutenant Gareth – World Cup Italia ’90

Captain Maltby had the worst World Cup Italia ’90 record of any player, ever, of all time. With fourteen defeats from fourteen games and some colossal scorelines against him (a few in excess of twenty goals with his narrowest defeat being 7-3 at the Third Mega Drive Championship!) Between Captain Maltby and Lieutenant Gareth a rivalry had developed, both had been promoted from Division Two at the Fourteenth Tournament and now struggling in Division One with points scarce for both players. In spite of never having played a single game on World Cup Italia ’90, Lieutenant Gareth was favourite to beat a man who would struggle to be classed as inept. True to form, Lieutenant Gareth opened the scoring with six in game minutes gone. For a short while things descended into a typical World Cup Italia ’90 bore-fest, until Lieutenant Gareth’s second goal when the game suddenly, unexpectedly, sparked into life. Both had chances to score, but, as a result of some shoddy defending (and even shoddier goalkeeping) from Captain Maltby, Lieutenant Gareth scored his third. At this point the game seemed destined to paddle into tedium, however, almost immediately, Captain Maltby surged up field and, after his initial shot hit the post, scored when Lieutenant Gareth hesitated in the clearance. Captain Maltby scored a rapid second goal after half time and an unexpected equalizer came quickly too! Captain Maltby’s West German side continued to press and, with the counter on sixty-four minutes, he found the breakthrough and defied the laws of the Universe to score and lead the match 4-3. Lieutenant Gareth’s France replied instantly, but Captain Maltby took the lead again a matter of moments later. With the timer on eighty-four, Captain Maltby scored a sixth goal and although Lieutenant Gareth kept possession for the remainder of the match, he was unable to pull the result back claiming he was “just about to score his fifth” when the full time whistle blew. Captain Maltby, delighted with his win, leapt from his chair and ran around the room cheering “come on!” His first victory on World Cup Italia ’90 was a classic.

GAME 6: Tournament 3, Game 23: Doc Shakib 6 Vs 7 Lord Dilks – Pete Sampras Tennis

Due to fixture postponement, this was actually the final game of the Third Mega Drive Championship. Mr Smith had already won the competition, his 2-2 draw against Lord Dilks on World Cup Italia ’90 five fixtures previous was enough to secure the title. Captain Maltby, with two wins from sixteen games, had been anchored to the bottom of the table since Baron Von Hooton scored a 6-0 win over him, in fixture six, on Sonic the Hedgehog 2. While a debuting Baron Von Hooton had finished in fourth. Just two positions in the table were left to fight for. Doc Shakib held second spot with thirty-points, as fate would have it, he went head-to-head with the man in third with twenty-eight points, Lord Dilks. The game which the pair would decide their position was Pete Sampras Tennis. Lord Dilks who was undefeated at this point in Mega Drive Championship history and had a reputation for a devastatingly swift serve. Ironically, the closest he had come to a defeat was a 6-3 victory against Doc Shakib in the corresponding fixture at the previous tournament, but to say a decent win is close to a defeat is like comparing the North and South Poles and deeming they are close. Doc Shakib’s record on Pete Sampras Tennis was less impressive; he had tasted defeat at the hands of both Lord Dilks and Mr Smith and had twice struggled to fend off the “threat” of Captain Maltby. In a game of sheer deadlock that nobody expected to go down to the wire, both men struggled to gain an advantage. Racking up games inseparably until the score reached 6-6. Nowadays such a score would be classified as a draw, however, in these early days of Mega Drive Championshipary no such rule existed. Reaching this stage nerves needed to be steadied and so the game was paused so coffees could be handed round. (Ah, tournament logic: giving players stimulants known to increase anxiety and adrenaline in order to calm them down.) With none of the members currently in the room overly certain about how tennis tiebreakers worked we continued until Lord Dilks scored the winner and overtook Doc Shakib to take second spot by a single point.

GAME 5: Tournament 20, Tournament Knockout, Final: Commander Graham 1 Vs 2 The Plumb – Eternal Champions

Ever since Doc Shakib beat Earl Holbrook, at the Seventeenth Mega Drive Championship, the Knockout finals had been a touch bland. While Commander Graham and Lieutenant Gareth made a good showing of the dismal Primal Rage at the Eighteenth, Commander Graham beating Doc Shakib on Mega Bomberman at the Nineteenth had been a fixture to forget. So, into the Twentieth Tournament, Division Two competitor, The Plumb, had hard fought his way to the final past Division One members Captain Maltby and Doc Shakib, while his opponent, Commander Graham, arguably the best player in the contest, had been a permanent fixture at the past three Knockout Finals. Eternal Champions was the venue this time round, if indeed you can call a video game a venue. Tournament history had dubbed this game the “poor man’s Street Fighter” but regardless, it was nice to have a button bashing fighter back for the final. Commander Graham took the boring option and selected Xavier, most tournament members pick Xavier, likely owing to the reach of his C-punch. The Plumb opted for the more nimble, but still strong Shadow. The first round saw the pair scrapping a very tight affair and it was with some astoundment that The Plumb KO’ed his higher division opponent . The crowd who rippled with the delighted disbelief that a potential shock might be on the cards. Round Two, however, saw normality restored with Commander Graham winning in what was another tight fight. With these two men virtually inseparable, the crowd watched intently to see which way the pendulum of fate would eventually swing. Into the final round, The Plumb and Commander Graham matched each other blow for blow. Unable to see who would score the winning hit until the last, the decisive blow went to The Plumb who, following the rapturous applause of the spectators, gave a moderately moving speech about how the lower league can still produce the goods, or something to that effect – we recorded it, but the footage has vanished!

GAME 4: Tournament 3, Game 20: Lord Dilks 2 Vs 2 Mr Smith – World Cup Italia ‘90

So begins the first of two World Cup Italia ’90 entries. It seems amazing that such an ill designed game, awful graphics, terrible sounds, abysmal gameplay has got two entries in the top five, let alone being the most frequently listed memorable game. Mr Smith and Lord Dilks had battled with an intense rivalry for sixteen Mega Drive Championships. Between them the pair had dominated the league finishing in the top two positions all but twice. During this period in tournament history they played forty-nine times, Lord Dilks won twenty-four, Mr Smith won twenty-one and four games were draws. It was at the Third Mega Drive Championship that the pair produced their greatest ever game. Lord Dilks had, by this point in tournament history, established himself as the dominant player on World Cup Italia ’90. With such superstars as Madron, Kempano, Cook and Arjiless on his Argentinean Sun Gods side he had notched up some very hefty scorelines, specifically against Captain Maltby, which were attributed to his healthy goal-differences in the league. Mr Smith and his English Lions squad were clearly the closest thing he had to a challenger with some impressive, if not spectacular, results. Previous championships had seen Argentina (Lord Dilks) beat England (Mr Smith) 5-0 and 5-3. The Third Mega Drive Championship would see a much tighter affair with strong play from both players across the field. Competent goalkeeping too was on display and control of the slippery keepers is often the difference between the best players and the not-so-good ones. With the score hung at 2-2, in the 86th minute, Mr Smith broke free of Lord Dilks’s defence to go one-on-one with the goalkeeper. The shot sailed towards the goal, the crowd held its breath, it was not the “Hand of God” that saved Argentina that day, but the goalpost, which the ball hit and bounced away into obscurity.

GAME 3: Tournament 10, Knockout Round 1, Sir Jackaman 6 Vs 10 General Pink – World Cup Italia ’90

Anybody reading this remember General Pink? Nope, thought not. The most anonymous member of the Mega Drive Championship joined up for the Tenth Tournament and was placed in Division Two. His first fixture was a knockout game on World Cup Italia ’90 against Sir Jackaman who had won the previous Tournament Knockout and been promoted to Division One. On paper this was a David v Goliath tie that captured the imagination of a generation of Mega Drive athletes, in reality nobody, even “David” and “Goliath” showed any sign of caring. It was dusk and as we waited for the two competitors to appear and engage in 16-bit battle and we waited... we waited for the previous knockout winner to begin the defence of his title and we waited... we waited for the plucky newcomer ready to fight for victory against his illustrious opponent and we waited... we made coffee and we waited still. In fact both men arrived so late for their scheduled event that we were on the brink of cancelling it when the pair sauntered in. Hardly an inspirational start, but never-the-less, the game commenced, France (Sir Jackaman) versus Holland (General Pink). We were not halfway through the first half when Sir Jackaman committed a massive tournament faux pas. His mobile phone (a device he was unable to answer when running late for the fixture) suddenly started to ring and, rather than ignore it, proceeded to drone to his girlfriend in a tedious conversation. As for the game itself, it was the newcomer, General Pink, who adapted better to this hideously boring football game. Sir Jackaman moaned that his controller wasn’t working, the controller was working fine, but changed anyway. By the second half it was General Pink’s Holland that had eked out a four goal advantage which he was unable to extend or Sir Jackaman catch up and the final score would stand at 10-6. From success and glory at the Ninth Mega Drive Championship, this was when the Sir Jackaman star started to fade. Defeat against General Pink and elimination from the Knockout was a prelude to annihilation in Division One, which saw him finish at the foot of the table with three points. For General Pink this was the only tournament game he ever played – refusing to turn up for either the Division Two campaign or his Round Two match against Lord Dilks. Winning World Cup Italia ’90 does statistically make General Pink the best player to have participated in the Mega Drive Championships with a 100% win record!

GAME 2: Tournament 17, Tournament Knockout, Semi-Final: Professor King 2 Vs 4 Earl Holbrook – Wayne Gretzky Hockey

Number two on the list of the most memorable tournament games is this unfortunate affair between Professor King and Earl Holbrook on Wayne Gretzky Hockey. This was undoubtedly the worst game ever played in the Mega Drive Championships! The other semi-final fixture had seen Doc Shakib swiftly crush Lieutenant Gareth on Golden Axe 2, so the only game left to watch was this unfolding tedium fest and it was abysmal. While Professor King and Earl Holbrook were eager to book their place in the final, neither man knew the controls "C is shoot, like on the other game" Earl Holbrook wisely stated after nearly ten minutes of play before utilizing his C-button to take the lead. "I'm worried because this isn't even the end of the first period, there's going to be three of these." Professor King declared while the subdued spectators watched wearily, waiting for something to happen. The first Mexican Wave occurred shortly after as bored silence turned into muted giggles, there was some vague attention given to the fact Earl Holbrook "doubled his advantage". "How did you do that?" Professor King asked. Soon the entire hall reverberated to the catchy beat of Queen's "We Will Rock You" as the restless crowd attempted to ignore the dismal rubbish unfolding on screen. Wayne Gretzky, the Tournament Administration, the admission charges, Earl Holbrook and Professor King all became the subject of mockery at some point - it was even suggested that we attempted to extract some form of compensation from Wayne Gretzky for "ruining our tournament". The highlight of the entire game was a fist-fight (in game although one between the audience might have been even more entertaining) in which Earl Holbrook beat Professor King whose character in the fracas was Wayne Gretzky – “Good” declared Mr Smith. To make matters even worse, this game dragged on for nearly twenty minutes, pushing the patience of the players and spectators to breaking point. “I’m just playing for time,” declared Earl Holbrook with the score 4-2 in his favour. “Playing for time!” Laughed Mr Smith, “haven’t you had enough time?” Old Spice Lock enquired. Following the game a resounding cheer rose up from the crowd, nobody cared about the score, but merely revelled in the fact that this tosh was over and would NEVER be seen in the Mega Drive Championships again.

GAME 1: Tournament 4, Game 37: Doc Shakib 0 Vs 1 Lord Dilks – Golden Axe 2

Ah, the number one spot! In over seven-hundred and fifty competitive Mega Drive games this classic on Golden Axe 2 still stands as the pinnacle of the tournaments. T’was the Fourth Mega Drive Championship and the competition was bubbling towards an almighty climax. Four games remained and Lord Dilks was top of the pile. Five points behind with six to play for lurked Mr Smith. The fixtures favoured Mr Smith gaining these points, so it was imperative Lord Dilks won one of his two remaining games. Unfortunately for Lord Dilks, he was set to go head-to-head with Mr Smith, on Sonic 2, in the final game, guaranteeing almost certain defeat. His other fixture was an unenviable clash against Doc Shakib on Golden Axe 2. Head-to-head neither man could claim an advantage making this game an unknown factor. Everything depended upon this; The Championship, Golden Axe bragging rights and the entire fate of the Universe. The foot and mouth livestock epidemic that was plaguing the U.K. showed no signs of interfering with the Mega Drive Championships or it’s competitors. The game began. Neither man rushed in (but if you believe wise men only fools do that) Doc Shakib and Lord Dilks circled each other. They were two warriors looking for an opportune moment to exploit their opponent’s weakness. Most defensive displays are abject tosh but what was at stake here (everything) combined with the unique countdown scoring method of Golden Axe 2, made this a gripping encounter from start to finish. The pressure was immense and sweat adorned the faces of Doc Shakib, Lord Dilks, Mr Smith and Captain Maltby – to whom the game was wholly irrelevant, as the tentative dance continued. This level of pride, passion and pressure has never been produced by another game as for fifteen nail-biting minutes both health bars gradually slipped away until just one bar each remained. They were inseparable until the last swoop of the sword with which came an almighty cheer from the triumphant winner and a cry of anguish from the loser (and Mr Smith). Lord Dilks claimed the three-points, the title of Fourth Mega Drive Champion and the honour of saying he won this, oh this, the most sensational of all Mega Drive confrontations.