TWENTY-SECOND MEGA DRIVE CHAMPIONSHIP REVIEW

4th August 2010

COFFEE!

Some say it is the classic 16-bit games that make the Mega Drive Championships so special. Others believe it is the passion generated from the members that makes tournament day an event of tremendous magnitude. Some claim the divine Administration deliver the championships from evil and move the events towards even sunnier days. A few would even claim it is the promise of European competition that tantalises both the minds and hearts of fickle dreamers. All these assessments are wrong, for after twenty-two tournaments, it is coffee that remains the backbone of the competitions. Caffeine is the commodity of excellence and true worth comes not from the points scored, but the cups consumed. Goatman, a newcomer at the Twenty-Second Championship, proudly boasted, near the midway point of the contest, that he had downed four cups. Unfortunately, he chose to brag to Administrator, Mr Smith, who is a seasoned veteran of Mega Drive Championship caffeine fests and, having consumed nearly double that of the Goatman, ordered him to go and make them both another beverage. Professor King claimed that large quantities of coffee were keeping him going after a few too many whiskies the previous night. Lieutenant Gareth would agree with such sentiments, renowned for drinking from a large jug in order to keep himself going following night-shifts. Former member, Old Spice Lock, observed that following his first tournament, the large quantity of coffee, combined with the excitement of the event, denied him a night of sleep. Coffee; fuel of champions and losers alike.

TOURNAMENT KNOCKOUT ROUND ONE

The first round of the Tournament Knockout marks the beginning of each Mega Drive Championship. The better members are byed to round two allowing them to stand around nonculantly while lesser names are randomly drawn to play the pre-selected games; Pete Sampras Tennis, Marble Madness, Golden Axe 2 and European Club Soccer, four titles that warm the heart like the prospect of thermo-nuclear war and inspire about as much as divorce and bankrupcy combined. None-the-less these were the games. The newcomers watched on with muted uncertainty wondering, as the draw was made, just what this knockout thing is. Well, it is the second most important competition at the Mega Drive Championships. Its prestige was significantly bolstered by the winner being offered a place in Team England at the 2010 European Mega Drive Championship, but Team England and the Knockout final seemed a long way away as Pete Sampras Tennis was slotted into the Mega Drive. Division One members; Doc Shakib, Captain Maltby, Earl Holbrook and Don Derek were all awarded byes from the first round, while Fireman Sam, Field Marshall Hayward and Professor King were late arriving and excluded from the Knockout. The Plumb, a natural on sports games, was selected against vetran Baron Von Hooton on Pete Sampras Tennis, who had played this game a total of twenty-seven times and scored just two wins. Game twenty-eight bought no joy to Baron Von Hooton, losing 6-2. The other Division One member, Emperor Tebbs, was drawn on the regrettable Marble Madness, against Meena Newsum, and was promptly eliminated from the competition. Newcomers Goatman and Pablo Mortez started their tournament careers here, drawn together on European Club Soccer - a terrible game that remains in the tournaments due its nostalgia value, as the first ever Knockout Final. The battle was hard and hardly inspiring on this difficult to handle football-sim, but three goals later it was Goatman who advanced to round two. The fourth tie of the round saw Commander Graham beat Samurai Taguchi 4-0 on Golden Axe 2.

THE LEAGUE BEGINS

The moment when the soft hand of destiny rests upon the shoulders of the noble warriors about to engage in battle. While the Knockout is important, the league competition holds seniority. Promotion, relegation and, most importantly, two Team England places will all be decided, as that beautiful moment arrives when the results are recorded and those blank league tables start to fill. Captain Maltby topped the table at this early stage, 3-0 down against Earl Holbrook on Pete Sampras Tennis, he forced an amazing comeback to win the tie 6-3, undefeated in the first quarter, having played one game more than his opponents. Defending champion, Doc Shakib, scored two victories to push him into second place - last tournament he challenged his opponents to raise their game, The Plumb answered the cry and beat Doc Shakib 2-0 on Mega Bomberman, putting him in third with games in hand over the players above him. Niether Emperor Tebbs or Fireman Sam were able to secure points, while Earl Holbrook kept ahead of the relegation places with a win on Virtua Racing. Don Derek resided in fourth place with three-points. In Division Two it was Commander Graham and Baron Von Hooton who led the race for promotion, both undefeated at this stage. Newcomer, Pablo Mortez was third in the table with four-points. The first quarter finished with Commander Graham beating Samurai Taguchi in a Division Two match of Sensible Soccer. The 4-0 score reflected his superiority and he claimed "could have walked them into the net" as he wandered away from the TV with an arrogant swagger.

TOURNAMENT KNOCKOUT ROUND TWO

Round two of the Knockout and the Division One superstars enter the fray. The games were an improvement on round one; Mega Bomberman, Sensible Soccer, Primal Rage and World Cup Italia '90. Commander Graham and The Plumb took the opportunity to hurl some contempt for the other's preferred choice of game around the hall. Commander Graham attacked Sensible Soccer while The Plumb retorted "There's nothing mega about Bomberman." It was with great amusement when the pair were drawn together; Commander Graham's despair was The Plumb's delight... they would play Sensible Soccer! Goatman and Meena Newsum had both advanced through round one and were drawn together on Mega Bomberman, Meena Newsum got to grips with the game better and was able to blast her opponent out of the competition. It is a well known fact that Captain Maltby is tosh at World Cup Italia '90 and his West German team were unsurprisingly defeated by Doc Shakib's Morrocco, Captain Maltby's ninteenth defeat in twenty-one games. After much though going into the selection process, in spite of neither man having much of a clue what was going on, Don Derek scored a victory against Earl Holbrook on the dinosaur dueling romp Primal Rage. But what of the tie of the round? Commander Graham is a man arguably more famous for his Knockout failures than his lone success at the 19th Mega Drive Championship, his most famous failure is easily his defeat in the 20th Knockout Final, on Eternal Champions, at the hands of The Plumb. It is pretty accurate to say a rivalry beginning to brew between these two men. Commander Graham selected England while The Plumb opted for Holland. As expected, The Plumb dominated possession, but throughout the first-half he was unable to transform this into goals and by half-time the score stood at 0-0. It took a goalkeeper error for The Plumb to take the lead at the start of the second-half. This half was much more end-to-end and it was Commander Graham who scored a lucky long range effort, 1-1! The tie ebbed towards a close and whispers of a reply started circulating, however, in the dying seconds, The Plumb drove the ball from the edge of the box into the goal. The Plumb was victorious, Commander Graham was eliminated, 2-1 was the final score. The promise of the semi-finals now awaited Doc Shakib, Don Derek, Meena Newsum and The Plumb, but before that; two quarters of the league and the Challenge awaited...

COMFORTABLE AT THE TOP?

It was with astonishment and hearty applause that Captain Maltby had won the Fifteenth Tournament Knockout. There was much rejoycing that a man then deemed incompetent upon the Mega Drive had won such an illustrious competition. Since then he has been the winner of precisely "bugger all" - even his promotion back to Division One at the 19th Mega Drive Championship was in second place and thus trophyless. Now, however, Captain Maltby has transformed himself from a Division One pretender to an established member in the higher league. Yet it was still with some surprise that his name was announced as being top at the halfway stage. Two wins, one on Columns and one on Virtua Racing, during this period had put the Captain three-points ahead of his nearest challenger, Earl Holbrook - himself an unlikely second with two victories on Ball Jacks and one on Super Street Fighter 2. After losing to Earl Holbrook on Ball Jacks, Don Derek pulled himself from fourth to third place, with two wins against Emperor Tebbs on Columns and The Plumb on Sonic the Hedgehog 2. Fireman Sam had become something of a success story at the Mega Drive Championship; an immediate promotion from Division Two, second-place in Division One for two successive tournaments and an England representative at the 2009 European Mega Drive Championship, was surprisingly slumped in the relegation zone. The Fireman had managed to score wins on Mega Bomberman and Micro Machines: Military, but would be disappointed by a narrow defeat by Earl Holbrook on Ball Jacks. Never-the-less, just two-points would take Fireman Sam from the relegation zone. Doc Shakib and The Plumb both had six-points and appeared vulnerable to relegation. Emperor Tebbs was not only vulnerable but virtually doomed to an immediate return to Division Two and would require at least three wins from his final six games to save himself from the drop.

BALL JACKS AND THE BEASTS

Goal-difference separated Baron Von Hooton and Commander Graham at the top of the Division Two table and the mood was tense as (Game 18) Baron Von Hooton Vs Commander Graham - Ball Jacks appeared on the fixture list. The Division Two split was drawing near; the strongest four of the eight players would have the honour of advancing to the Division Two (Upper Teir) to contest the two promotion places to Division One. The four weakest would be cast shamefully into the Division Two (Lower Tier) with a 5th place finish the best they could achieve. Yet both Baron Von Hooton and Commander Graham could see beyond the split and towards the promotion battle that awaited them. Ball Jacks is hardly a popular game among the tournament faithful, however, it was a game that both competitors possessed a healthy expeirence and both started aggressively; the desire to blow up the opponent's bot seemingly taking precedent over the balls! One of them was guaranteed to lose their undefeated status, something neither was prepared to yield. This was the highlight of the entire Division Two campaign and with the score at 1-1 a more defensive tempo emerged with victory becoming the only focus. It went down to the final claxon where, although Baron Von Hooton had more time remaining, Commander Graham scored the victory with three of the four balls. With three wins from three games, two-points behind Baron Von Hooton with one game in hand, Field Marshall Hayward has risen to third. Commander Graham continued to top the table with an undefeated record. Pablo Mortez held fourth place, but with one fixture remaining, Professor King (5th) and Goatman (6th) still had their sights upon the upper tier and circled around like metraphorical desert vultures, waiting for their pray to drop.

THE SUPER STREET FIGHTER CHALLENGE

Take in a deep breath and taste that nostalgia! Super Street Fighter 2 was the game that inspired the Tournament Knockout and the original Challenge format and, from the 14th - 17th tournaments, in conjunction with Eternal Champions, was the sole game used in the mini-knockouts that constituted a Challenge competition that never altered, had qualification based upon the previous tournaments, a division based partican and was held at the start of each tournament. At the 18th Mega Drive Championship the benevolant Administration mothballed the old style Challenge and revamped the competition beyond all recognition to its present form. Now Super Street Fighter 2 made a welcome return to the Challenge, albeit with different rules, characters would be selected automatically, with both the speed and number of characters used increased the rounds progressed. The first round, at default speed and three characters, saw dominant victories for Baron Von Hooton, Commander Graham and The Plumb, each of these men would take victories in round two; Commander Graham crushing Captain Maltby - an unlikely participant, as he is tosh at Super Street Fighter 2. Professor King had narrowly beaten Goatman in round one, but was unable to overcome Baron Von Hooton in Round 2. Doc Shakib beat Field Marshall Hayward and Fireman Sam, struggling in the league, would find no solace in the Challenge; beaten 3-1 by The Plumb. The semi-finals saw five characters employed. Commander Graham and Baron Von Hooton were promotion rivals in Division Two and there was no love lost, as Commander Graham crushed his rival 5-1. Doc Shakib always performed will in the old style challenges, but he was defeated by The Plumb, 5-3. The Challenge final saw the maximum number of characters selected: 8. Commander Graham and The Plumb now went head-to-head for the honour of the awesome Chun-Li trophy (pictured to the right!) Commander Graham was quick to establish the lead with Sagat until The Plumb utlised the cheapness of E. Honda to claw back a couple of rounds, however, by this point in the fixture it seemed too late. Commander Graham battled on with T.Hawk and Cammy to win the Challenge 8-3.

THE CHAMPIONSHIP RACE BLOWS OPEN

At the halfway point Captain Maltby's position at the top of the table seemed secure, however, he won just the one unconvincing game on Golden Axe 2 against Emperor Tebbs while defeats against Don Derek and Earl Holbrook allowed the pair to draw close to the Captain. Don Derek emerged as a serious title contender: three wins from three games; Emperor Tebbs on Ball Jacks, Captain Maltby on Super Street Fighter 2 and Doc Shakib on Streets of Rage 3, pulled him level on points with Captain Maltby. Earl Holbrook scored wins on Micro Machines: Miltary and Sonic the Hedgehog 2 while The Plumb, gave an epic performance at this stage, won two games of Pete Sampras Tennis and a bout of Mega Bomberman to take them both just one-point behind first and second places. Emperor Tebbs secured relegation back to Division Two after just one tournament with the elite, no wins from ten games. Surprisingly the final relegation spot was being contested between Doc Shakib and Fireman Sam, two men who, last time, fought at the top of the table. A narrow 3-2 victory for Doc Shakib over Fireman Sam, on World Cup Italia '90, tipped the advantage in the Doc's favour.

THE CURTAIN FALLS: THE DIVISION TWO SPLIT

The Division Two split loomed large like a iceberg before a certain ill fated ship, on its maiden voyage, across the Atlantic, in 1912. Three men seemed destined to take their place in the upper tier; Commander Graham and Baron Von Hooton had controlled the competition since the beginning and their position in the top four changed from virtually assured to assured. Field Marshall Hayward was also performing well and he too cemeted his place among the top four. While Samurai Taguchi and Meena Newsum were well off the pace and destined for the lower tier. Of the three members remaining; Goatman, Pablo Mortez and Professor King, one would have the chance to fight for promotion while the other two would descend into mediocracy for the remainder of the competition. Professor King staked his claim with a 2-1 victory on Streets of Rage 2, but his dream of battling in the top half ended with a crushing 3-0 defeat at the hands of Baron Von Hooton on NHL '97. Pablo Mortez was unable to keep hold of fourth-place, Commander Graham beating him on Columns, so, it was Goatman's 8-0 victory over Meena Newsum on Micro Machines '96 that gave him the supreme honour of battling for the prize of promotion to Division One.

THE PROFESSOR KING CUP?

Nobody has yet figured out what makes Professor King so incredible in the Division Two Cup competition. He has never really fulfilled his league potenital and has never won or reached the final of the Tournament Knockout. Professor King showed a glimmer of his abilties in winning the Challenge for two successive tournament (18th - 19th), however, it is the Division Two Cup that proves to be Professor King's stomping ground. Of the six tournaments has been contested; Professor King has been unable to take part in two (once through absence, once through being ineligable by competiting in Division One) twice he has won the competition and the reamining two times he was the defeated finalist. So, at the seventh incarnation of the competition, all eyes were on King! So elegantly he glided through the competition until he reached the final where he faced the collossus of Commander Graham on Sonic 3. Professor King scored a 4-1 victory and the Division Two Cup cup returned to his familar hands.

TOURNAMENT KNOCKOUT SEMI-FINALS

Four members remained and two victories stood between them and the possibility of Team England. Meena Newsum remained the only Division Two player in the competition and, although her league form was failing, she had defeated Emperor Tebbs and Goatman to ensure a Division One opponent at this stage. The two games for this stage of the tournament were Sonic the Hedgehog 2 and NBA Jam: Tournament Edition, niether a high skill game although a Sonic 2 campaign can involve a great deal of tactics. The Plumb would doubtless have been eying the sports game as opposed to a game he described as a "sweaty underpant", however, with Pete Sampras Tennis in round one and Sensible Soccer in round two, his luck failed him and he was selected to play the "sweaty underpant" against Meena Newsum. The other game featured Don Derek take on Doc Shakib, with the latter hardly a master on this game; three times he had played NBA Jam in the Knockout and three times defeated, Don Derek made sure to add a fourth lose for the Doc, as he cruised into the final with the score 34-28 "I don't want to sound stupid, but am I blue?" Doc Shakib asked midway through the match. His opponent in the final would be Meena Newsum who successfully negociated The Plumb's Sonic the Hedgehog 2 threat.

THE FINAL STANDINGS

With a hush the consoles fell silent and the pulsating battle of numerous hours calmed. One-hundred and thirteen games had been played and now the weary warriors peered up towards the Administrators, who stood on the stage of fate, ready to announce the final standings. Today a new member was crowned Mega Drive Champion, becoming the fifth man to endure a long league conflict to become the Champion. Three wins from his final three games; Streets of Rage 3, Micro Machines: Military and Super Street Fighter 2, allowed him to ascend the stage victorious and hold aloft the winner's trophy. This man was Don Derek. He had been promoted at the last tournament and now stood as a surprise champion. Captain Maltby was beaten to the title by two-points, he will look back on his defeats during the third quarter, against The Plumb and Earl Holbrook, as a turning point in the campaign that two victories in the last phase would be unable to amend these losses. At the wrong end of the table; Doc Shakib was unable to score a single win in the final quarter as disappointing defeat followed disappointing defeat. In the end the four-times champion was spared from relegation owing to Fireman Sam also failing to score any points. Emperor Tebbs had already been condemned to relegation, but somehow scored two wins in his final two games, against Doc Shakib and The Plumb to finish his Division One campaign with four-points. The Plumb; promoted on a technicality, spared relegation on a technicality, gave a much better account of himself to finish in fourth place. Earl Holbrook continues to lurk in the mid-table of Division One; his third place finish would put him in a qualification place for Team England if Don Derek won the Knockout . While in Division Two, promotion was handed to Baron Von Hooton and Commander Graham who had dominated the competition from the start. While Commander Graham has only been absent from the top league for one tournament, Baron Von Hooton has not battled among the elite since the Fifteenth Mega Drive Championship! Professor King, Field Marshall Hayward and Goatman all showed they have good ability at this level of competitive Mega Drive and will be looking to improve upon their performances next time around. The Twenty-Second Mega Drive Championship also saw Samurai Taguchi end his tournament career. Having participated since the 19th Tournament he now returns to Japan having qualified as doctor from Nottingham University - we wish him all the success in the future and demand he establishes a series of Mega Drive Championships in Japan!

DIVISION ONE - FINAL STANDINGS

TOURNAMENT KNOCKOUT FINAL

Now, after everything, we conclude the Tournament Knockout. The league was over, relegation and promotion were decided and all that was left to play for was the Knockout. The Knockout Final is always a special occassion, as all other consoles remain silent and the entire hall assembles around the one television screen to witness the curtain falling on another epic tournament. Streets of Rage 2 promised a swift fight for the two remaining contestants. Don Derek, who had already qualified for Team England after winning the league, could give himself a double of league and knockout, something which had only been achieved once before; Lord Dilks secured both competitions at the Tenth Mega Drive Championship. Meena Newsum, whose pefromance in Division Two had warrented a sixth-place finish, now faced the new Mega Drive Champion. Don Derek opted for the swift, but weak, Skate while Meena selected the sturdy all-rounder Axel. Round one was a tight affair and while Don Derek's Stake grappled with a pole, Meena's Axel took the advantage and held it for most of the match, however, Don Derek was finally able to get to grips with Skate and turned the first round around to score a narrow victory. The second round saw an improved performance from Don Derek who secured the victory and an unlikely double with both the league and knockout titles. Not only would his name be engraved upon the Knockout Shield for future generations of Mega Drive athletes to marvel at, but doing the double gifted a Team England place to Earl Holbrook. The curtain had fallen, the war was over, league tables had been written and now began the wait until next time.

THE PROMISE OF EUROPE

Don Derek, Captain Maltby and Earl Holbrook are the three people offered positions in the England Team for the 2010 European Mega Drive Championship. Should all three accept then it will be a very different trio from previous tournaments. Only Captain Maltby has previous International experience; participating in the 2007 Anglo-Irish Mega Drive Tournament. So will this band of brothers unite and secure a first European title for England? We don't think so either! They will have until September to submit their game selections and from then it will be just a short stones throw until Saturday 2nd October, where warriors from across Europe shall descend upon Nuremberg to engage in 16-bit battle at its most intense.